Recover Who U R BLOG

OUT OF THE DARK

“You have dug your soul out of the dark, you have fought to be here. Do not go back to what buried you.” – Bianca Sparacino

What dark places have you had to dig yourself out of my friend?

The Urban dictionary defines a dark place as an acute exaggerated feeling of anxiety, a feeling of persistent worry about something trivial, or distressful.

Often, but not exclusively, these behaviors are used by pretentious people who want to act as though they are going through a deep emotion ordeal rather than experience the persistent effort of personal growth.

There are some very interesting words found amongst this definition. I would like to examine, exaggerated feelings. When a person is finding a “new normal” which is the process of removing toxicity, dysfunction, obsessive or addictive behaviors, and healing from a significant loss; many issues are perceived in exaggerated proportions. Anxiety and worry about trivial things are common. These cycles are difficult to break if you do not take time to reflect on where you came from.

I recently had a situation where I had to take a stand about someone’s continual disrespect towards me. This situation involved someone who was in this very process of personal growth. When addressed for their lack of respect and appreciation of the grace I had extended, but finally having no choice but to draw a boundary, the issue transformed into dysfunctional responses and victimization mentality.

While this individual was taken back by my effort to regain some type of mutual cooperation about the matter, they began slinging mud about how unfair and disrespectful I was to even mention the issue. They instantly turned the tables and made the issue all about my lack of empathy for their recent dramatic events. Immediately, rather than taking rightful responsibility for their own actions they became pompous and arrogant stating their disapproval of my approach toward them. They displayed their dissatisfaction through expressing things to me like; how on earth could I respond in such a way in light of the deep emotional ordeal they were going through.

Forgetting that they are continually going through one dramatic event after another. They tried to connect their behavior to their problems as a license to behave inappropriately in other areas of life.

The bottom line is that in the heat of the moment they had forgotten the hole they were in less than a year ago, how I lifted them out, provided a safety net, removed barriers that others would not have, gave them the benefit of the doubt and extreme measures of grace and understanding as well as moral support, financial assistance and loads of patience. But my patience was spent. I had nothing left to give toward the unwillingness on their part to show proper respect, and maturity.

They had forgotten my kindness, forbearance, accommodations, and continual benevolence expressed toward them over the past three years of their life. In one moment due to the stresses of real life, they fell back into behaviors, attitudes, and reactions they had fought so hard to come out of that had buried them in the past.

I share this illustration so that you have a marker today to compare your process to. Your soul which consists of your mind, will, and emotions can play tricks on you if you are not mindful of its power,

In order to stay out of the hole you once dug out of, that hole of entitlement, victimization, selfishness, anger, bitterness, lack of self-management, self-pity, risky behaviors, secrecy, shame, and hopelessness to name a few, you must address the “elephant in the room.”

An elephant in the room is an obvious major problem or issue that people avoid discussing or acknowledging, an important thing that no one wants to address because the problem is uncomfortable. How do you address an elephant in the room you may ask yourself?

First be direct, honest, and thorough with yourself, your thoughts, and your actions in the situation. A difficult issue becomes an elephant in the room when it is ignored as though it does not exist or when the issue is deflected.

Deflection means that you’re passing blame over to someone else to draw the attention away from yourself. It is a psychological defense in which you deflect fault on others. No one wants to look or feel bad, right? We don’t want people to think badly of us. We don’t want them to think we’re inept or that we make mistakes. We want them to think highly and to look up to us. As a result, we tend to look for ways to make ourselves look better. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to always do that in life.

To break this cycle and not return to that dark place we once dug ourselves out of, we must engage in honest reflection. No one likes to take the fall for something, but it’s extremely important that we do just that. We must change. No longer relying on learned defense mechanisms, is a part of the process of personal growth. Yes, someone might be upset that you made a mistake. That can be difficult for you to experience, but it is also a necessary part of life. It’s not easy, but it’s an essential aspect of the process. It’s going to allow you to push forward and keep building up the trust that you want from other people.

Wholeness and strength over such learned behaviors that send us back where we came from, start with self-awareness. Think back on the times you were given tough feedback. Did you own it, or did you blame someone or something else? Did you say thank you for the feedback or did you minimize your role in the situation?

Be honest; you can’t make changes unless you embrace the hard truths about yourself. Once you address these truths and adjust your actions or words with the proper response or correction with humility, you will no longer return to that hole you once dug out of. Then and only then, can you begin to hike the mountain ahead of you with excitement and possibility of growth. The choice of the hole or the mountain is yours to make. Choose wisely.

One decision causes you to start all over digging out of that same hole again, and the other decision will produce peace, power, and potential for endless possibilities.

Dr. Tracy Lewis

Recover Who U R

June 2022

Is Your Tree Bearing Fruit?

Psalms Chapter 1 tells us that as Christians we shall be like a tree that is planted by the streams of water and yields fruit in season and has leaves that do not wither. It also states that whatever we do shall prosper. Wow, I have often wondered why God likened us to a tree. One thing I notice about trees is that they change with the seasons, they are often affected by the environments and elements around them, and they grow based on the conditions or the lack thereof.

Like a tree your own life is affected by the environments you are in. These environments can either cause you to thrive or to lack nutrients in order to become a healthy “tree.”

The other thing I noticed about trees is that they all have a core made out of wood, but from one species of tree to another their wood type is most useful for different things. Some are for the delicate thing others for the durable things. There is a vast difference for what a person would use Tiki wood for and Oak wood for. They would serve different purposes and if assigned to the wrong task they will not withstand the pressure or hold up under it.

Do you lack nutrients in your present environment that stimulate growth? Are you in environments that cause your faith to be encouraged, environments that cause you to thrive and enjoy your journey filled with positive encouragement and support? Is your tree planted by things that water your growth? Or are the places you inhabit or hang around filled with resentment, jealousy, intimidation, darkness, or disloyalty? Barren desolate places where little hope can be found? Have you discovered the type of wood you are made of? Are you wood that is made for general use? Or are you wood that is made for unique situations? Which type of wood are you?

Another really interesting thing that this scripture talks about is that a Christian should be likened to a tree that bears fruit! The root source of that fruit is found in 1Corinthians 13:4-8. In this verse there is a description of the kind of fruit the Holy Spirit will help you to yield. In fact, we are told that we will know who Christians are truly by their fruit. Matthew 7:16 says “by their fruit you will recognize them.” And John 13:35 states that we will know them by their love. Love is the first principal fruit and the last one mentioned in Galatians 5:22. The fruit of the Spirit or the fruit of our tree as Christians will cause us to be recognizable! Is there any fruit on your tree? Or your character that makes you visible as a Christian? Do you bear love, patience, kindness, long suffering, honorable toward others, not a holder of grudges or do people find a different fruit on your tree? Are you yielding hatred, disunity, rudeness, impatience, self- seeking, envious, resentful, easily angered…? Hmmm. Is your fruit pleasant to the eyes that others want to partake of your life, or do you bear rotten, poison or plastic fruit that brings only disappointment to those around you? Do you believe all things or are you skeptical, do you hope all things or are you full of doubt? Do you rejoice in truth or anticipate lies? Does your tree provide a peaceable habitation and a restful place?

Be like the tree God created you to be, live close to the river of God’s word and God’s presence. Be planted firm with sure characteristics and fruits that identify you with the Master. Do these things and all that you do will prosper!!

Dr. Tracy Lewis

Recover Who U R

June 2022

Master the Day!

“Relax and realize that you don’t master life in one day. Master the Day and your life will follow.”

From this title you may ask yourself the question, “how does one master the day?”. There are three words that sum up how to master your day, and in mastering each day your life will follow. It is important to take the step-in front of you and do today, what you know to do today. The three things you must learn to master to master your day are thoughts, words, and actions.

Some examples of what mastery means are these. You must first be able to answer more questions than you ask. When others in your trade respect your opinion and input on decisions. You become a master when you understand something completely, learn something thoroughly and become extremely skilled so that you know it or can do it very well. My question to you is this; can you do today well? Have you mastered your thoughts, your words, and your actions just for today?

When you begin to master something, self-discipline comes into play. When you master your thoughts then your words and your actions will also come into line thus making you and overcomer in each day. There are things that we to think on according to the big book of Kingdom Recovery. We are told to think on these things. The things that are lovely the things that are pure and the things that are of good report. Take captive every thought as it comes and make sure that the things you are thinking fall into one of these three categories, and you are sure to have words of life in ever place that you conduct your affairs in life. Be careful not to let negative thoughts live rent free in your life. When a negative thought pops into your head, simply observe it then let it go. Don’t give negative thoughts or negative energy any room in your life.

Always trust the process of purifying your mind and take the steps toward positive change. Don’t all ow fear and worry to influence your mindset or attitude. Second, speak with extreme caution knowing that what you speak, you create. Your tongue by the law of God is a creative force.

Daily you can monitor what you are thinking on and what is taking root in your mindset by what you are speaking. Don’t say CAN’T. Can’t brings limitation to possibility, creating the opposite impossibility. When we say we can’t we are also thinking we can’t and we often give up on our dreams before we ever begin. Change the word can’t in your thoughts and words to I am not able to do this at this time. This creates opportunities for to move into the things you feel unable to do now in the future. Change the phrase from I will TRY my best to I will do my best. This removes the stigma of you may not succeed from your thinking. You will move from trying to doing. Another thought that traps us into negative words and actions is the word PROBLEM. Change your thoughts about a problem and your talk to the word and thought Challenge this will assist you to move forward in finding a solution. Challenges are faced and problems are stuck places. We move through a challenge, and we often just accept a problem. When we face a challenge, we will actively look for a way to solve it.

Another word is the word SHOULD instead of thinking or say I should begin to say I choose to or want to do such and such. Should prompts the action of procrastination but “choose or want” prompts movement toward what you need to accomplish. These minor adjustments in our thoughts and words bring about success in our everyday actions. The last word or thought is BUT. We often negate what we believe or intend when we add but to the equation. Change the word but, to AND. This causes the thought to become all inclusive of action not negate what we thought or intended to do.

It may seem that these small changes in the way we think or the words we speak are trivial. However, training our mind for action in our daily lives will cause us to bring our life into subjection to our own choices and not based on whatever circumstances or situation arise. With a fix mind daily, we will secure our future and become a master of the tools and actions to truly master our life.

Dr. Tracy Lewis

Recover Who U R

June 2022

BECOMING YOUR BEST YOU!

“It’s learning that your recovery must come first

so that everything you love in life does not have to come last.”

This is a familiar inspirational quote for those who are rebuilding their lives and walking their BEST LIFE out. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Someone once said to me, “You will always have enough time to do what you want.” I thought that this was a very interesting approach to how we prioritize things in one’s life. If you say you love something, really love it, then you will spend the bulk of your time doing what it takes to obtain it or keep it. This thought causes one to reflect and evaluate his daily process. If you want a healthy family then you must first focus on recovering your own health, spiritually, mentally, physically, and financially. When you focus on their own health and strength first everyone in their circle will also become healthy as a result.

As you re-prioritize your focus; the things that seem out of reach will soon be obtainable. If you are truly going to recover from whatever “it” is that you lost, whether it be your marriage, your best friend, your job, your health, your confidence, your joy, or your possessions, then you must practice daily accountability. Self-doubt is a common problem that prevents you from learning to make your dreams a reality. You’ll think, “I’m going to focus on making my dreams come true,” but then provide yourself with a laundry list of reasons why you can’t. In order for that list not to hinder your dreams, you have to begin taking total responsibility for your choices each day. You must choose wisely your thoughts, your words, and your actions. These things are what will separate you from the crowd of non-doers and put you in the pack of those who reach their highest potential of becoming their best self.

It’s critical that you move past the fear of failure. This particular fear can stop you from ever thinking about taking the first steps toward the life you want. Fear of failure is one of the most common limiting beliefs. Removing thoughts like these, will in turn remove your limitations. Other thoughts like, you are not deserving of something or that you are not any good at something, are also false and must be replaced to make your dreams possible. Begin transforming your own mindset by creating new empowering beliefs. Taking decisive action to change your present thoughts and words will impact your future.

Start to set daily goals. Remember that your goals are unique to you and don’t need to look like anyone else’s. When you learn how to set goals in one area of your life, it becomes easier to set them in other areas too. Today, choose one area of your life to focus on and begin by taking responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions. Remove any limiting beliefs and choose what the next step will be that you take to replace anything that is false or producing a limited mindset in that area. Take decisive action into your new way of thinking, believing, and moving.

Daily goalsetting will increase your intelligence, keep fear at bay, and rekindle the drive it will take to overcome limitations and procrastination. This is where daily accountability takes root, begin telling others about your goals to establish the patterns that will cause you to accomplish them. So, talk about your decision to act and this will help to establish new patterns, systems, and strategies to achieve your wholeness.

Next comes visualizing your dreams. Visualize yourself completing the tasks in front of you and reaching your goals. This method will increase your capacity and enlarge your perspective. When you visualize your goals daily as if you’ve already achieved them, you align your purpose and values with your actions. Before you know it, you will have moved past the obstacles that were hindering you for what seemed like centuries. Transform your obstacles into possibilities and don’t forget to track your progress and celebrate each milestone of your continued success and progress.

Commit to a better life. Commit to yourself. Commit to overcoming the negativity. When you commit fully, cutting off any other possibility, you will push yourself to the next level and demand more of yourself than anyone else could ever expect. Consider these five signs that can prove that you are committed to your journey to becoming your best: You are adaptable to any situation because the goal is more important to you than anything that stands in the way of it. See that you are tolerant, dependable, focused, passionate, and purposeful. Remember, it won’t be easy, but it is possible. Get busy becoming your best and remembering that recovery is a return to a normal state of soul mind and strength.

Dr. Tracy Lewis

July 2022

Grow as you Go!

“I will grow through what I go through”

When you showed up on the plant it’s like a seed that was planted in the ground. That seed is full of incredible possibilities and destined to become something greater. It will not always remain a seed. Within each and every person there is a potential that is greater than what can be seen with the natural eye. Think about this. From one tiny seed a tree grows. In order for a seed to grow a process begins from the moment it is planted into the soil. When seeds are planted, they first grow roots. Once these roots take hold, a small plant will begin to emerge and eventually break through the soil. When this happens, we say that the seed has sprouted.

That is very much like a human life. We have been planted on the planet deep in the womb of our mother. This is like the seed underground. Like the plant the human seed begins to receive nutrients to form the body in which it will dwell. 12 systems within that human seed of man:System of organs A group of organs that work together to perform one or more functions in the body.skeletal system Mechanical support, posture and locomotion

Cardiovascular system Transportation of oxygen, nutrients and hormones throughout the body and elimination of cellular metabolic waste

Respiratory system Exchange of oxygen and carbon-dioxide between the body and air, acid-base balance regulation, phonation.

Nervous system Initiation and regulation of vital body functions, sensation and body movements.

Digestive system Mechanical and chemical degradation of food with purpose of absorbing into the body and using as energy.

Urinary system Filtration of blood and eliminating unnecessary compounds and waste by producing and excreting urine.

Endocrine system Production of hormones in order to regulate a wide variety of bodily functions (e.g. menstrual cycle, sugar levels, etc)

Lymphatic system Draining of excess tissue fluid, immune defense of the body.

Reproductive system Production of reproductive cells and contribution towards the reproduction process.

Integumentary systemThis is much like the seed planting roots. But when a child is born it is similar to when the plant breaks through the soil. Initially both plant and child are fragile and need protection and certain elements to survive. Survival is only the beginning.

The ultimate purpose is that both the child and the plant thrive and serve their purpose here on the planet. A plant has a story like man. The outside elements affect the plant. If it is in good soil and gets plenty of sun, shade, and rain then it will grow up and be healthy. It must go through the adversities of climate and testing to become a strong plant. It may even get beat down by a storm and seem very damaged for a season but after a few days or even weeks it comes back to life more vibrant and stronger than before.

In life and recovery from the storms of life we will all go through challenges that test our agility. But if we will examine the seed and the plant, we will come to know that we will grow through what we go through. Life has many challenges and challenges cause us to develop, look for answers and solutions, try new ideas and become more sound in our thinking as well as our values and character.

If we don’t suffer adversity, we will never find out both our strengths and our weaknesses and we certainly won’t discover our limits. Without challenges we will not have opportunity to grow in intelligence by developing strategies and setting goals that will develop a path of development in our walk-through this life.

You may be facing things in your life that seem insurmountable and your thoughts are that you will not make it through, is life really worth this or perhaps self-loathing or feelings of inadequacy are getting the best of you. Hold on my friend the best is yet to come! It is through this very challenge before you that doors of opportunity to grow in this certain area of your life are being presented. It may be in your relationships with others, even your relationship with yourself, it may be a parenting lesson. Perhaps it is a job development door, a financial accountability growth spurt or even a lesson in organization and planning so that you are not caught off guard on something you are facing next time it presents itself. Just know that whatever the struggle, you are greater and the greater one inside you is able to cause you to grow into your new development as a person. Growing doesn’t just happen once a situation arises; we must choose to reflect on the very things we can learn from the lived experience. Our personal experiences provide great opportunities for learning and growth if we take the time to reflect. They often have powerful lessons that shape the human being we become and how we approach problems and people in the future.

Going forward, focus your thoughts on the things you can control. Have a clear plan of what your desired outcome and sense of purpose are. Make sure you go through emotional cleansing every day to keep your emotional health in balance by talking through your issues, resolving conflicts, and forgiveness of self and others. Begin each day with a brand-new start.

Practice inner contemplation daily also known as self-awareness. This can be described as entering a deeper silence and letting go of your habitual thoughts and sensations and feelings in order to connect to a truth greater than yourself. Take a deep breath and ask the person you are attempting to become how they would act in this situation.

Follow your gut or desire to do something creative, innovative, or inspirational. Act on it. Manifest what is in you by following your heart. Lastly, practice gratitude. Examine the things that could not have been possible without the struggle. Put your gratitude on paper. Write down the names of three people or things in your life you are grateful for, and why. Have a gratitude conversation with yourself, tell someone you appreciate their effort. Pay it forward and give something to someone like someone gave to you. Reflect and repeat. Being grateful can make you happy but being happy can also make you grateful.

Always make sure that you bloom where you are planted and grow as you go.